A Drastic and Rash Action

All human actions have one or more of these seven causes:

chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire.

- Aristotle

We make choices and we take action. Then we face the consequences and learn to thrive within the new context. There are times when those choices are difficult and unclear, requiring careful discernment. Yet, at other times they can be as clear as day - laid out before us and nearly labeled as the right choice. I find myself more fascinated by the ambiguous middle ground between these two extremes. Here the path is not always clear, but it is not necessarily arduous either. Instead, we will occasionally find ourselves simply drawn towards a particular decision. It does not feel difficult and the obstacles along the way are minor at best. Neither is it clearly understood as the best choice that will lead us to the most beneficial outcome. In my experience, these are the paths that we simply find ourselves wandering down without the clear reasons. Before we are fully aware, the point of no return has been reached. But there is no panic. Still just the odd sort of knowing. An assurance that can't often be explained - this is the path meant for me at this time.

I have wandered down just such a path. Packed up and left all that I knew to seek out an unknown opportunity. Odder still, leaving my beloved and familiar home state. Moving towards the hope of something better, but with no guarantees. Now I find myself intimidated by unfamiliar surroundings and a community that is foreign to me. Well, I suppose that I am the foreigner to this community. I have wandered down this path and followed the choices that mysteriously felt correct for me. I have changed my setting and context - now to define my role and live.

I am not sure which of the seven causes directly influenced my actions. Much of this has felt like pure chance - falling into place all on its own. I suppose that is the mystery of this path. Of course, along the way I have found reasons. Perhaps I have even made the reasoning fit what I could not fully explain. I do know that I have been fueled by desire - a desire to better myself and find opportunity. For too long I lived in mundane contentment. I was neither particularly miserable nor happy. I just survived and filled my life with little entertainments. It is not easy to break free from that sort of effortless contentment. It takes bold actions and a stern resolve to push oneself out of such a way of life. Courage must be mustered to seek out the different and sort through the unknown for the potential grandeur. Truly, my desire for more and my desire to discover and ignite my own passion for life is what kept pulling me down this path.

So, I have uprooted my life and changed the setting and scene. Now I must do the work and commit to this journey. Finding a new job, discovering new passions, making new connections, and constantly seeking out purpose - these are the hurdles ahead of me. Every morning takes confidence and discipline to keep my focus. 

It also takes tea. Many mugs of warm tea in the morning light. What does the quote on the tea tag read this time?

You are unlimited.

Yes. Yes I am~

Revisits

Bright winter sun on fresh snow. Chai in the mug and chocolate zucchini bread on the plate. A familiar setting with memories in the air~

The day that a child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. - Alden Nowlan

    I can see it from here. Just across the room, up a step, near the window. The tall table where I sat nearly two years ago. It was my birthday and my mind was infused with inspiration. A little brainstorming and this blog was created. I wrote furiously with hope and yearning for better understanding of myself and this life. Reflection and prayer came so easily when I felt connected to people and energized by the many blessings from God. Fueled by many warm mugs and hours of letting my mind wander, these electronic pages were filled with the typed words. Words that echoed in my head and answered the questions in my heart. They were shared and commented on by those in my life. Many hours. Many miles. Many changes...
   Now, I look back over to the corner table where I once sat and dreamed this into existence. Part of me is envious - there is so much in store for that man. I want to tell him about all the joy and heartache that is ahead. I want to warn him and instruct him on better choices. Yet, I am also grateful and appreciative. That man's choices will bring me to where I am today. Bring me to the person I am now. Yes, there are a couple things that I wish he had done differently along the way, but there isn't much point in focusing on those things. Choices were made and time passed. I am here now.
   So, another bright winter morning at a tall table in a familiar coffee shop. New choices lay before me and new insights flood my mind. Each day I look for strength and courage to face the trials and make those choices. Some days I wake with hope for my future - confidence in myself and knowing my true worth. Other days, the outlook is less rose colored - takes more effort to cultivate motivation and peace.

   I know this much: I am loved by my creator and have immeasurable value. We are called to know ourselves as beloved creations and to care for each other. In all that we do, we should respect and love ourselves and those around us. Cultivate community and help all to realize that they have amazing worth.

Easy said. Easy done.

Developing Quality: Compassion

Railroad ride the afternoon before. Waking in a different setting - a bustling city. A colorful coffee shop with lively discussions and pleasing aromas~

Compassion is something that you can develop with practice. It involves two things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to open your heart to others;you expand what and who matters, from yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it." Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off all the little things that most of us have learned to take too seriously. When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life - the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of sight, of love, and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.  -Richard Carlson, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and It's All Small Stuff

    These words really speak to a core anxiety of mine. Am I being as compassionate and loving as I can in my interactions with others? I am a "helper" type of person. I will bend over backwards and change my plans in order to be open and assist those around me. It means quite a bit to me to know that I have done everything that I can for someone in need. Perhaps not meeting all their needs, but most definitely the ones that I can. So, it is nice to know that having compassion for those around me only takes a shift in my thinking. Of course, then I just need to followup with my actions. Take the steps before me.
   Thinking about compassion and making myself aware of how I interact with people every day allows me to notice things. I notice how often I want to interrupt people and draw the focus back on myself. I notice how I preserve a distance from people at first while I size them up - making little judgments before deciding how to relate to them. I notice how I often write people off and choose to invest nothing in our interaction.
   These are the traits and actions that build up the walls in our communities and instill anxieties within ourselves. I love realizing that compassion, when properly cultivated, will breed gratitude. Having gratitude for the gifts and miracles in your life really makes anxieties just melt away. Hard to worry about a potentially negative interaction with a coworker when you can appreciate your ability to devote yourself to your work. And all those logistics and details of taking a trip? Well, just focus on appreciating the natural beauty that you get to enjoy.
   Compassion will generate gratitude. Gratitude will add joy to your life. In my personal experience, it has been so rewarding to focus on the lives and stories of others. It is a blissful retreat to be released from living within yourself - to get out of your own thoughts about yourself. Amazing encounters and stories are out there.

Be open. Practice compassion. Enjoy the quiet rewards.

Miracles and Worth

Winter sunlight pouring in through the windows. Curled up in a warm room, on a cozy bed, and with a delicious aroma spilling from my mug~

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle. -Albert Einstein

    I know that I have heard this thought before. Whether it was Mr Einstein or another original mind, the heart of the concept is the same. Do you walk along seeing the world as a beautiful place that was wonderfully made and set before us to explore and treasure? Or do you go along in your normal day-to-day practices without noticing the miraculous, even if it was set right before you? I suppose that I like to picture myself as an "everything is a miracle" kind of person. That there truly is wonder and beauty in everything around us.
   However, looking back, I can not convince myself that I am living that way. I think that I used to, but have lost much of that wonder and awe. I suppose growing up does that. The worst moment was when I felt my imagination slip away. I was a very imaginative child. I could spend hours spinning imagined tales and living out the grand adventures of the characters in my mind. The world was a playground where anything was possible. Then two things came into my life: video games and bullies. The former left me with no opportunity to imagine my own world. The latter scared and shamed the imagination right out of me.
   So, I would say that I live hoping for miracles. Yet once you are living that path of the day-to-day, it becomes increasingly difficult to recognize the miraculous. Everything becomes normal and expected. It takes a real massive event to shake you.
   How do we re-cultivate our imaginations and learn to appreciate the miracles around us?
   Personally, I will start by learning to see and appreciate the worth of everything around me. Seems the best way to break the monotony of the expected each day. The sun rises each morning to wake us and warm the land for us to venture out of our homes. Music is composed and played to lift our spirits and speak to our souls. Food and drink are prepared and enjoyed to nourish our bodies and excite our taste buds. We connect with each other through the casual hellos and the warm hugs. We amaze and stun each other with the freedom of our behavior. We love and support each other. Every day we work to find our own worth and appreciate the worthiness in others. -These are the first steps to seeing miracles.-

Keep stepping. Miracles await.

The Ledger

Early morning sunlight cascading over frozen peaks. Crumbs from my breakfast on the table. Tea steam in the air~

Every moment and every event of man's life on earth plants something in his soul. -Thomas Merton

  I adore this truth. It brings me hope and peace in those times when the events of my life seem too confusing to be meaningful or too painful to bring anything good. In those unsettling moments, I can remind myself that I am merely doing the work that builds a great life. True joy and that full sense of worthiness will only be ours if we allow our lives to be full - of every emotion and experience. Stay diligent and let the work happen.
  Like many, the new year led me to reflect upon my life thus far and where my path is leading. Along the way, I realized that I do have many little moments and events that enrich my soul each day. I am an avid journal writer, but sometimes long-winded words do me no favors. I merely want to record that unique moment to remember and treasure down the road.
   Enter The Ledger...
  I have begun to keep my own personal ledger. Not for tracking the financial business of my life. Rather, to record the true gathering of wealth. A ledger to keep track of those little moments and events that lift my soul and make this life on earth truly blessed. A short recount of the experience and the date. Simple. I look forward to developing my ability to notice these moments when they arrive. Down the road, I will look back through my ledger and that is how I will measure my wealth on this realm.

May all our ledger entries be plentiful~

Giving Time To Grow

Hearty beef-barley soup with whole grain bread. Brie on the side. And, of course, some tea spiraling steam into the air.

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. --Robert Stevenson

  Perhaps it is the constant cold of winter. Or maybe the routine tasks of my work. Could even be the predictable rhythms of my rising, preparing, feeding, winding down, and sleeping. Whatever the factors may be, my days do seem to be repeating. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish one day from the next. Performing the same tasks, going to the same places, and seeing the same people. Yes, it is often quite easy to be unsatisfied by my days. I suppose that I am looking for the instant and recognizable proof that my day mattered. That I did something really worthy.
  However, there are some days where those instant results - those warm,fuzzy moments or clear results tasks - just don't happen. Instead, the work that you do and the moments that you have are merely small preparations for something bigger. I think that I have been told this over and over, but it is true. Anything really worth having is worth the work and long wait. So when my day feels unfulfilled and the monotony becomes overwhelming, I can find peace in reminding myself of the something larger that I am working towards. I can appreciate the little things as mere steps along the path. Thinking this way makes everyday a step forward. I am learning and progressing.
  So, maybe those routine days are not meant to give you meaning. Perhaps they are meant to teach you something. Live into them graciously. Routine for you could be meaningful for someone you meet.

Take time to learn~

Starting a New Year

A cold January morning. Lightly falling snow giving way to sunshine and bright blue skies~

  Here I stand at the beginning of the New Year. Another collection of 12 months with opportunities and unknowns. Another chance to work harder and achieve more. With all this laid out before me, I experience an odd mix of anxiety and excitement. At this point, I could become overwhelmed and stall out. However, I know that it only takes a little bit of focus to channel all that nervous energy into productive and healthy motivation.
  So, here's to a New Year of potential and reflection. So much time for friends, discussions, and learning.

Love what is ahead by loving what has come before.

  Yes, on this first day of the new year, we all have the lyrics to Aulde Lang Syne running through our minds. Should those old acquaintances be forgot? No - for the sake of old times, we honor and treasure those friends of old. A new year does not mean leaving behind every part of your previous life. Our very being is a compilation of the experiences we have had and the people we have known. You can't very well cut out a whole part of who you are. We must honor and value what is in our past, but be ever attentive to our future.
  So, blessings for the year ahead. May you treasure who you have been, who you are, and who you will become~

New Year - New Life

   Arriving at the end of another year. Frigid cold clawing at the windows. Snow covered mountains under the heavy grey sky. Warm coffee in the mug~

   These past five months have been a tumultuous time of change. So much of life has been turned about and even broken down. Now, to rebuild in a new way. All this time of uncertainty has been leading up to this moment. The anxiety and heart-ache, the new opportunities and forward steps, the kind words and support, the let downs and redefining. Seems that life is never settled. In fact, I believe that getting too comfortable in one place is unhealthy. Don't misunderstand me: We don't need to up and move frequently, change jobs on a whim, or leave people and communities behind. No, we do need connection and stability in the form of a community. However, the routine of life can be lethal. So, perhaps the drastic changes in my life as of late are  the Creator's way of nudging me forward. Forward into a new and better path.

   Faith has sustained me in this time of change. Faith in my God to lead and care for me. Faith in my true nature and values. Faith in those that love and support me. So, there is opportunity ahead of me. Yet I hesitate to reach out and take hold. Why?
   I am a nostalgic, hopeful romantic. I don't like to see my past just drift away. I love and value the people that I have become close with over the years. I cling to those memories and the meaningful moments that I have shared. I have been told that it is dangerous to live in the past -- it is better to let the past go and live in the present with an eye towards the future. Yet, something within me struggles with that notion. I realize that I am walking a thin line. How do I honor and treasure the past experiences of my life without letting them overrun my present and stall my future?
   In this time of processing, I keep running the words to "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" through my head. One small verse to be specific:

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit, Till released from flesh and sin, Yet from what I do inherit, Here Thy praises I'll begin; Here I raise my Ebenezer; Here by Thy great help I've come; And I hope, by Thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home.

   I picture those Ebenezers. Those great stone monuments that pay tribute to moments in my life. The lessons learned, experiences had, and the help I had along the way. I suppose that I must leave those heavy monuments where they stand. Doesn't make much sense to try to drag them along with me. I only slow my life down with them like they were the heavy anchors of a mighty ship. I will not forget them -- I will honor them.
   So, here comes the New Year. Embrace the change and growth. Have faith in the way laid before you. Raise your Ebenezers to honor the path that you have walked. Boldly acknowledge who you are and take a hold of the opportunities ahead. The future is wide open to explore -- live fully in the present -- let the past be.

Let it be.

Revealed By Quiet

Golden fall days. Warm sun, yet a nip in the air. Our world slows and quiets~

I can not stand silence. Those who know me well can attest to this fact. I live for interaction with others - chats over coffee, laughing about the stories we tell, or discussing our lives and beliefs. I learn a little more from each interaction. I edit and mold my personal volume of wisdom and truth. I take a moment after a significant interaction and really explore what was shared. How do I react and what thoughts spring to mind? What am I being guided towards as I interact with those around me? So, silence appears like the absence of learning and growth. Hence my inherent discomfort and avoidance of silence in my life. If no person is around, I fill my space with music, radio shows, or interesting talks. I need to feel part of a discussion. Part of active growth.
Yet, I have become fully aware that God chuckles at us when we get set in our ways and begin to believe that we understand ourselves fully. He chuckles at our child-like claims of certainty. Then He reaches out in a simple,smooth motion and...turns our entire world completely on its head~
During this autumn, when I find so much of my life slowing down and changing, it seems that quiet is unavoidable. In fact, it is chasing after me in a sort of slow-motion movie chase scene sort of way. I make big dramatic efforts to avoid and escape, yet it is just as quick and clever. This pursuit is incessant. I find myself exhausted... I give up every now and then. My running ceases and quiet washes over my life - seeping into all the corners and cracks. When it sets in, I find myself nervous and a little scared.
Yet, if you allow quiet to settle in gently and adjust around you, it will reveal amazing things to you. I am talking about comforting, warm quiet and not dead, cold silence. There is a difference! The quiet in my life now reveals much beauty and wisdom. Love from friends and family that are at great distances finds its way into my walls. Flavors in fresh foods and aromas of soups and baked goods fill the air in a way never before experienced. Passions for art and creativity are unleashed and fueled. Possibilities and ideas are lining up to be gently realized and deeply seen and embraced. The quiet allows me to see myself and to hear God in a way that is often mysterious and uneasy for me. Fortunately, God has an infinite amount of patience and love for me as I stumble and awkwardly approach Him in the quiet of my life.

Let the Autumn quiet and beckoning rest wash over your days. Steep some tea in your favorite mug. Embrace what the quiet reveals~

Claim Your Whole Self

Rich coffee. Turning leaves out the window. Thoughts and prayers rushing about~

I have often pictured many areas of my life as a balancing act. Not too much of one thing or another. Time alone and time with others. Time to work and time to play. Time for investing in a community and giving to others unselfishly. Likewise, a time to accept the love and support of a community. Yet, when contemplating balance I picture the tight rope walker. Swaying from one side to the other, she is focused and in a constant state of adjustment. Denying the pull of gravity in one direction or another. Is this balance? Finding too much influence in one area, we must deny that entirely to regain stasis? In my exploring for healthy balance, completely denying or resisting parts of my life does not satisfy!
Rather, I would prefer to think of this life balance as needing to embrace one part a little more to compensate for other parts. Think of it as picking up a little more truth in opposite areas of your life. Too much in one direction calls you to look in another to gather a different truth to find balance. Now, logic would tell you that this might lead to trying to gather too much! I don't believe this. Truth in life does not weigh down, but rather it lifts us up. I believe that we need to fully embrace the different truths and realities that exist in ourselves and in our lives.
Henri Nouwen talks balance in The Inner Voice of Love ~

There is within you a lamb and a lion. Spiritual maturity is the ability to let lamb and lion lie down together. Your lion is your adult, aggressive self. It is your initiative-taking and decision-making self. But there is also your fearful, vulnerable lamb, the part of you that needs affection, support, affirmation, and maturing. 

When you heed only your lion, you will find yourself overextended and exhausted. When you take notice only of your lamb, you will easily become a victim of your need for other people's attention. The art of spiritual living is to fully claim both your lion and your lamb. Then you can act assertively without denying your own needs. And you can ask for affection and care without betraying your talent to offer leadership.

I love this image of fully claiming and embracing every part of yourself. To acknowledge that each truth, emotion, motivation, and contemplation is a valuable and a worthy part of yourself. Our response to this idea may well be fear. It is a massive undertaking to simultaneously let go of every counter inhibition and wholly embrace yourself. There are truths that will trouble and challenge us - often shaking us to our core. The reward for living wholly embracing our entire being is feeling an immense sense of self worthiness. This is growth and healthy balance.

Music floats through the air as I sip from my warm coffee mug. This lyric rises above~ "But a fear, turned to faith, comes to love." Pray that this be so for all of us.

 

Freedom To Be A Kid

  Tea and serious contemplation. Interruptions of laughter and simple questions. Running and jumping. An invitation to come play~

  We live in a very success driven and responsibility grounded society. There is no end to the encouragement to be better, climb higher, and learn more. Do well in your career and take care of the serious matters in life. Learn the principles, don't take risks, and keep focused. I know that I have grown up constantly looking towards the future. Each step in life was supposed to carry me closer to becoming a "responsible adult". I have no idea when I will arrive at this stage, but I figured that there would be a few red flags to let me know. You know, the degree, the career, the home, the financial stability, the community, and the family. I have been able to check off a few of those, but I never felt any change. Truth is that I am not sure what this "being an adult" is supposed to feel like! So I continue to push forward and keep composed and focused. In fact, I am working so diligently toward this adulthood that I fear I am missing out on some simple fun. I think that happens a little to all of us. We feel the need to keep serious and protect our image - an image of being a reliable, respectable adult. Well, I have realized that I definitely change my personality in this process. I become uncomfortable in silly situations and especially around kids. 

  However, I find myself around kids and in silly situations more and more. My response? Well, how do you respond to a little girl who smiles so big when you give her a teddy bear? How do you respond when a coworker catches you humming Disney tunes at your desk? Or how about to the kids who play red rover with every church goer that walks through the door? Laugh and join in! God gives us joy every day. We should accept it and feel free to participate in whatever comes our way. Free to play and to be a little silly. This is good for our soul and helps us to grow and learn about each other. I think God gets a kick out of the kids who climb up on my desk and ask all about my computer. I do.

  So, I will be open to silliness and continue to play games.

  Join in.

Learning Trust

  A rainy, cool morning. Tea steam and reflections on my heart. Scripture and common prayer. Then, these words:

Whenever I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust and will not be afraid.  Psalm 56:3-4

  This is the longing of my heart and a powerful lesson. Yet, it is often so difficult and distant. We are well aware of our own mortality and the dangers of this world. Fear is a natural self preservation instinct. We go through life examining every situation and ask a single question: "Can I trust this to be safe?" In many cases, this is good and keeps us from taking unwise risks. This keeps us alive! However, this question can also hold us back and keep us from experiencing the amazing world around us. I believe that God has created us to explore and share in this amazing creation. The last thing He wanted us to do was to sit safely in our comfortable homes and watch people at a safe distance. God wants us out there with each other! Interacting, experiencing, loving, and sharing. How easy it is to type that - How difficult it is to live that.
  My time this morning also included a reading from Matthew 6:25-34. Jesus tells us to not worry about the day to day necessities, but to instead have faith in God. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." We are called to lay down our worrying and to trust in God. That is some serious trust. To not concern yourself with the food and drink you need to live, but to simply have faith in His provision.
  I find strength and reassurance in learning to trust the Lord. That feels right and true. Yet I wonder, where else should I put my trust? I am a very open, genuine person with those around me. I am eager to trust people until they prove otherwise. Is this wise? I have to believe that God would want us to seek out each other, as sisters and brothers in Christ, for support and trust. So, perhaps we are not to simply trust another person in our life at face value. Rather, I believe we are to look deeper and find the love of God within them and learn to trust that. This takes time and deep understanding. The rewards far outweigh the costs - so it is worth it.

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. -Ernest Hemingway

  I suspect that learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks. I will go in prayer to the Lord and learn first to trust in His way. Then I will seek Him out in the people around me.
  I crave the reward and will do the work.

Many Cups Later...

Time moves on. Life blurred past. Now, called to return.
  I have had many a day with tea and reflection. In fact, I would be hard pressed to find a single day of my life that I was not pondering. Pondering my purpose. Pondering God's will. Pondering my next step. Pondering...
  I believe that this constant need to reflect on life and examine myself will always be present. It is essential and seems to be rather healthy. I find that I am not always near a place to record these mental wanderings. Initially there is great sorrow and uneasiness in this fact. How could I let so many thoughts and feelings, epiphanies and truths go unrecorded? Have all my days of internal journeying been lost to the relenting movement of time?
  It would be easy to think so. Easy to jump to that conclusion, settle into the grief of that massive loss, and lose hope for the whole thing. Yet, you know...I know better. I know that all along I have been reflecting and finding truth. I have also been recording everything within myself. I may not have written word to turn to, but I do have my heart and my spirit. Every truth and lesson has been gathered within myself - permanently. So, no sorrow for lost time. (Where have I heard THAT before?) All in its time and all for a reason. Let us pick up where we left off. Life is constantly changing and God is teaching us new things every day. The challenge of life is to be ready to learn and be open to the necessary growth.

  So, I will continue to put the kettle on. I will settle down and let my mind drift with the steam of my cup. There is truth and there is wisdom if we take time to pay attention. I will be taking that time.

  Want to come around and hear some pondering?

The Necessity of Interaction

     The day started out much like many of my days off. I slept in. The morning was slow, but not unproductive. Had a good breakfast and savored slowly creeping into the day. I enjoyed some tea and online chatting with a few friends, but pretty soon it happened.

Inspiration crept in...

     Yes, I could feel it. In a second I decided the plans for my now half-day before me. In another thirty minutes I was ready. Out of the house and on the road. I know that it is damaging to the environment, but I do love driving my car! The freedom of the open road and the pleasure of listening to my favorite Podcast. The familiar road passed beneath me as my mind filled with new ideas and stories. Then...the canyon. I know this canyon very well. Every turn and corresponding jog in the river are as familiar as the lines in the letters of my name. So, I know exactly where I am going...
     One of my favorite trail heads. Yes, it is extremely popular, but no less beautiful. I roll into a packed parking lot that almost makes me turn away, but then I find a parking spot and soon find myself well on my way up the trail. Now, I am a native Coloradoan who hikes as much as possible. Every path I take, one thing remains the same:

Hikers are incredibly friendly and often talkative.

     I love this fact. Today, it was the three generations of a family from southern Texas. The four of us chatted on the easy part of the trail, but mom and grandma took their leave on the more difficult part. So, what began as a friendly chat turned into hiking with a new friend. A young man from Texas, living in Louisiana, and looking for a job. As we climbed upward, we chatted about college majors and the reality of not using them. We swapped success/failure stories of navigating the job market. It was great to have a companion on the trail. Soon, however, my Colorado lungs beat out his recent concussion and we parted ways. The rest of the trail afforded both beauty and friendly faces. My "breaks" on the hike were spent chatting with whomever came along.
     I love that the social walls come down when we are all in nature. I think that the playing field gets leveled when we are all out on the trail. When we are experiencing the beauty of the natural world. It is refreshing to be able to interact and build each other up.
     I often underestimate the value and impact of true human interaction. Really connecting with people is amazing and always uplifting. My evening was spent having the place to myself. It is nice when this happens, but...tonight just didn't feel right. After a unique day of connection, an evening of solitude was rather lonely. Usually I like to have this time to reflect and find some peace. Yet, tonight one strong nagging thought hangs over me: am I missing something? I mean, is there some big event that is keeping everyone else occupied? That seems to come with feeling a little lonely. There is just that little desire to have someone around to talk with--interact with. Oh, well.

There is tea. There is good music. There is inspiration. 

There is a cozy bed.

My Dear Friend Autumn

     May to September. The long days and hot months of summer have felt lethargic. The bright sun falls upon everything with an oppressive harshness. I worked and traveled. Went to five weddings. I had many stressful days that were balanced out by relaxing days in a hammock. Heat kept the days feeling sluggish and tedious, yet here is September and Autumn approaching our doorsteps.

Wait...

     As I went in to work today, the wind felt different. There was a coolness in the air. I stood for a moment and listened to the wind in the trees. The sun shone brightly, but did not burn the land. Some clouds drift by, the leaves rustle, and the breeze causes me to...shiver. I actually shivered! Well, Autumn may have been approaching the door last time we looked, but look again. The season has slipped through the door when we were not looking and just about made itself at home. Many are lamenting the end of summer and the warm days. Not me.
     I know Autumn so well. She is an old friend that has come to visit. Not an uninvited intruder, but a welcome friend who lets herself in and puts the kettle on. Even now, with just the first signs of Autumn upon us, I can feel my mind awakening. The heavy, lethargic trance that summer put me in has been broken. I am recovering and finding my old inspirations. The creativity will begin to flow again.
     It is time for a change. So, I am grateful to see Autumn again. She is a dear friend to gently stir me from my days of napping in the sun. She brings cool days and bountiful harvests. She beckons me to a cozy table to share a pot of tea and says "Long time. Let's talk."

Yes. Let's talk.

Things Get Moving

     Life can leave you breathless sometimes. Both meanings of this phrase are implied here. There are moments, people, and places that can stun you and leave you in a total state of awe and wonder. Yes, life can take your breath away and leave you blissful. Yet, it can also literally take your breath away -- as in leaving you huffing and puffing because everything is just moving to fast. There is too much going on and not much time between things. All you can do is struggle to keep up.

     Of course, there is a calm before every storm. Before the events of life happen, we are given time to prepare. Oh, how we squander that time away! Our anxious anticipation gets the better of us and we take little time to truly prepare. We want the waiting to end quickly -- the time must go faster. And then...it is here and gone! Life caught up to our eager anticipation and then left us too quickly. Before we know it, we are neck-deep in responsibilities, events, and tasks. Whether we try to speed up or stall, things will get moving just as quickly. Life takes little notice of our eager pleas or our cries for mercy. It moves as it will. 

So, when life gets moving -- just breath and go along for the ride.

Passing Days and Living

     Looking back over a week, I discover that there exist gaps in my memory. Try as I might, I struggle to remember exactly what I did in the previous several days. Time is funny like that. I know that I was awake and doing many things, but I am not sure that I could tell you what they were. I know that I worked a little and prepared meals. I shared time with friends and found time to bury my nose in a book. I recall playing games and listening to music. Maybe even being outside and enjoying the sunny weather...or did it rain and snow?
     Yet, I have no regrets. I do not worry over not being able to recall this time. There is no sorrow or feelings of lost time. I simply realize that life took control and led me where it wished. I ate, worked, played, and slept. I was happy and down. Energetic and worn out. Sometimes you just need to go with the natural flow of life. You will accomplish what you can. You will meet who you should. And you will live your days and the days are meant to be lived.

No sorrow over lost time because there is no such thing as lost time.

Exhaustion and Results

     You toil all day. In the weather and with heavy tools. It is a big project that you have committed your time to. You labor and push yourself until the sun dips low in the sky. Then you wipe the sweat from your brow and the dust from your hands. A good day's work, you think to yourself. But as you carry your now heavy body homeward, you have to wonder about that thought. Muscles are weary and joints are tired. Your mind is foggy, but you must get home, get food, and then rest. Yes, you have completely exhausted yourself.

     At this point, by all means rest and give your weary body what it longs for. But also realize that all this exhaustion is not in vain. The are always results. Sure, there is the progress on your project. The actual physical labor that you completed is a clear sign that you are weary for a reason. There are also unseen results. When you are so tired and worn, your true thoughts and emotions will surface. Your fake fronts and walls come crashing down and you are truly revealed. This may be publicly or only to yourself. Either way you will find that in your mind-weary state, some fascinating revelations will surface. Take them for what they are and don't overreact. You may need to learn a lesson. You may need to confide in someone or even set a wrong right. Or you just may need to let go.

May the rewards of your toils be all yours.

Living Simply

     I love to wake up slowly and peacefully. My alarm was set, but I was gently woken by the warm caress of sunshine through the window and the sound of birds chirping. I breath deep and sit up in my modest bed. My room is small, but I do not require much space. Wash up, get dressed, and head downstairs - it is time to start the day. A good breakfast and a cup of tea get me ready for a day of good work.

     I didn't have internet or TV. I didn't worry about my appearance or what I was wearing. I worked and shared meals. My hands got dirty and I grew tired. Tasks were crossed off the list. It was an incredibly fulfilling day. And yet I am baffled by this. I didn't have all the luxuries that I am used to and spent most of the day doing manual labor. But by the time we called it quits, I was still happy and at peace. No matter the weather or change in plans. We worked and got through a day - simple as that. Nothing to cloud my mind or distract me. I was in nature and very aware of my surroundings. I had all that I needed and I now find myself at the end of the day - satisfied and free of regrets. Life can be that simple.

Watch out for clutter in your days. We need little more than food and community.

Settle In

     A new space. A new place to lay my head and pass the days. And most of all, a new place to store my stuff. I always start with arranging the big items in a space to fit my liking. Then I can fill every cranny and nook with my belongings. Stash a little there and set something out here. Fill that blank wall with something. The contents of my little car have now exploded out into my new space. I have made the once foreign space all my own.
     It occurs to me that humans are nesting creatures. We have our spaces and our belongings. We put everything in its proper place and work to create a comfortable setting. It is not that we lack resilience - we are fully capable of adapting. Our technology and advancements have made it possible for us to create spaces and to change our habitats. So, we nest and settle into our spaces. Part of our character is imprinted on our dwellings. All this so that we may call these spaces home. A place to return to and remember. A comfort when needed - a refuge in the storm.

Settle and find comfort - both in space and people.