These past five months have been a tumultuous time of change. So much of life has been turned about and even broken down. Now, to rebuild in a new way. All this time of uncertainty has been leading up to this moment. The anxiety and heart-ache, the new opportunities and forward steps, the kind words and support, the let downs and redefining. Seems that life is never settled. In fact, I believe that getting too comfortable in one place is unhealthy. Don't misunderstand me: We don't need to up and move frequently, change jobs on a whim, or leave people and communities behind. No, we do need connection and stability in the form of a community. However, the routine of life can be lethal. So, perhaps the drastic changes in my life as of late are the Creator's way of nudging me forward. Forward into a new and better path.
Faith has sustained me in this time of change. Faith in my God to lead and care for me. Faith in my true nature and values. Faith in those that love and support me. So, there is opportunity ahead of me. Yet I hesitate to reach out and take hold. Why?
I am a nostalgic, hopeful romantic. I don't like to see my past just drift away. I love and value the people that I have become close with over the years. I cling to those memories and the meaningful moments that I have shared. I have been told that it is dangerous to live in the past -- it is better to let the past go and live in the present with an eye towards the future. Yet, something within me struggles with that notion. I realize that I am walking a thin line. How do I honor and treasure the past experiences of my life without letting them overrun my present and stall my future?
In this time of processing, I keep running the words to "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" through my head. One small verse to be specific:
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit, Till released from flesh and sin, Yet from what I do inherit, Here Thy praises I'll begin; Here I raise my Ebenezer; Here by Thy great help I've come; And I hope, by Thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home.I picture those Ebenezers. Those great stone monuments that pay tribute to moments in my life. The lessons learned, experiences had, and the help I had along the way. I suppose that I must leave those heavy monuments where they stand. Doesn't make much sense to try to drag them along with me. I only slow my life down with them like they were the heavy anchors of a mighty ship. I will not forget them -- I will honor them.
So, here comes the New Year. Embrace the change and growth. Have faith in the way laid before you. Raise your Ebenezers to honor the path that you have walked. Boldly acknowledge who you are and take a hold of the opportunities ahead. The future is wide open to explore -- live fully in the present -- let the past be.
Let it be.
