Revealed By Quiet

Golden fall days. Warm sun, yet a nip in the air. Our world slows and quiets~

I can not stand silence. Those who know me well can attest to this fact. I live for interaction with others - chats over coffee, laughing about the stories we tell, or discussing our lives and beliefs. I learn a little more from each interaction. I edit and mold my personal volume of wisdom and truth. I take a moment after a significant interaction and really explore what was shared. How do I react and what thoughts spring to mind? What am I being guided towards as I interact with those around me? So, silence appears like the absence of learning and growth. Hence my inherent discomfort and avoidance of silence in my life. If no person is around, I fill my space with music, radio shows, or interesting talks. I need to feel part of a discussion. Part of active growth.
Yet, I have become fully aware that God chuckles at us when we get set in our ways and begin to believe that we understand ourselves fully. He chuckles at our child-like claims of certainty. Then He reaches out in a simple,smooth motion and...turns our entire world completely on its head~
During this autumn, when I find so much of my life slowing down and changing, it seems that quiet is unavoidable. In fact, it is chasing after me in a sort of slow-motion movie chase scene sort of way. I make big dramatic efforts to avoid and escape, yet it is just as quick and clever. This pursuit is incessant. I find myself exhausted... I give up every now and then. My running ceases and quiet washes over my life - seeping into all the corners and cracks. When it sets in, I find myself nervous and a little scared.
Yet, if you allow quiet to settle in gently and adjust around you, it will reveal amazing things to you. I am talking about comforting, warm quiet and not dead, cold silence. There is a difference! The quiet in my life now reveals much beauty and wisdom. Love from friends and family that are at great distances finds its way into my walls. Flavors in fresh foods and aromas of soups and baked goods fill the air in a way never before experienced. Passions for art and creativity are unleashed and fueled. Possibilities and ideas are lining up to be gently realized and deeply seen and embraced. The quiet allows me to see myself and to hear God in a way that is often mysterious and uneasy for me. Fortunately, God has an infinite amount of patience and love for me as I stumble and awkwardly approach Him in the quiet of my life.

Let the Autumn quiet and beckoning rest wash over your days. Steep some tea in your favorite mug. Embrace what the quiet reveals~

Claim Your Whole Self

Rich coffee. Turning leaves out the window. Thoughts and prayers rushing about~

I have often pictured many areas of my life as a balancing act. Not too much of one thing or another. Time alone and time with others. Time to work and time to play. Time for investing in a community and giving to others unselfishly. Likewise, a time to accept the love and support of a community. Yet, when contemplating balance I picture the tight rope walker. Swaying from one side to the other, she is focused and in a constant state of adjustment. Denying the pull of gravity in one direction or another. Is this balance? Finding too much influence in one area, we must deny that entirely to regain stasis? In my exploring for healthy balance, completely denying or resisting parts of my life does not satisfy!
Rather, I would prefer to think of this life balance as needing to embrace one part a little more to compensate for other parts. Think of it as picking up a little more truth in opposite areas of your life. Too much in one direction calls you to look in another to gather a different truth to find balance. Now, logic would tell you that this might lead to trying to gather too much! I don't believe this. Truth in life does not weigh down, but rather it lifts us up. I believe that we need to fully embrace the different truths and realities that exist in ourselves and in our lives.
Henri Nouwen talks balance in The Inner Voice of Love ~

There is within you a lamb and a lion. Spiritual maturity is the ability to let lamb and lion lie down together. Your lion is your adult, aggressive self. It is your initiative-taking and decision-making self. But there is also your fearful, vulnerable lamb, the part of you that needs affection, support, affirmation, and maturing. 

When you heed only your lion, you will find yourself overextended and exhausted. When you take notice only of your lamb, you will easily become a victim of your need for other people's attention. The art of spiritual living is to fully claim both your lion and your lamb. Then you can act assertively without denying your own needs. And you can ask for affection and care without betraying your talent to offer leadership.

I love this image of fully claiming and embracing every part of yourself. To acknowledge that each truth, emotion, motivation, and contemplation is a valuable and a worthy part of yourself. Our response to this idea may well be fear. It is a massive undertaking to simultaneously let go of every counter inhibition and wholly embrace yourself. There are truths that will trouble and challenge us - often shaking us to our core. The reward for living wholly embracing our entire being is feeling an immense sense of self worthiness. This is growth and healthy balance.

Music floats through the air as I sip from my warm coffee mug. This lyric rises above~ "But a fear, turned to faith, comes to love." Pray that this be so for all of us.

 

Freedom To Be A Kid

  Tea and serious contemplation. Interruptions of laughter and simple questions. Running and jumping. An invitation to come play~

  We live in a very success driven and responsibility grounded society. There is no end to the encouragement to be better, climb higher, and learn more. Do well in your career and take care of the serious matters in life. Learn the principles, don't take risks, and keep focused. I know that I have grown up constantly looking towards the future. Each step in life was supposed to carry me closer to becoming a "responsible adult". I have no idea when I will arrive at this stage, but I figured that there would be a few red flags to let me know. You know, the degree, the career, the home, the financial stability, the community, and the family. I have been able to check off a few of those, but I never felt any change. Truth is that I am not sure what this "being an adult" is supposed to feel like! So I continue to push forward and keep composed and focused. In fact, I am working so diligently toward this adulthood that I fear I am missing out on some simple fun. I think that happens a little to all of us. We feel the need to keep serious and protect our image - an image of being a reliable, respectable adult. Well, I have realized that I definitely change my personality in this process. I become uncomfortable in silly situations and especially around kids. 

  However, I find myself around kids and in silly situations more and more. My response? Well, how do you respond to a little girl who smiles so big when you give her a teddy bear? How do you respond when a coworker catches you humming Disney tunes at your desk? Or how about to the kids who play red rover with every church goer that walks through the door? Laugh and join in! God gives us joy every day. We should accept it and feel free to participate in whatever comes our way. Free to play and to be a little silly. This is good for our soul and helps us to grow and learn about each other. I think God gets a kick out of the kids who climb up on my desk and ask all about my computer. I do.

  So, I will be open to silliness and continue to play games.

  Join in.

Learning Trust

  A rainy, cool morning. Tea steam and reflections on my heart. Scripture and common prayer. Then, these words:

Whenever I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust and will not be afraid.  Psalm 56:3-4

  This is the longing of my heart and a powerful lesson. Yet, it is often so difficult and distant. We are well aware of our own mortality and the dangers of this world. Fear is a natural self preservation instinct. We go through life examining every situation and ask a single question: "Can I trust this to be safe?" In many cases, this is good and keeps us from taking unwise risks. This keeps us alive! However, this question can also hold us back and keep us from experiencing the amazing world around us. I believe that God has created us to explore and share in this amazing creation. The last thing He wanted us to do was to sit safely in our comfortable homes and watch people at a safe distance. God wants us out there with each other! Interacting, experiencing, loving, and sharing. How easy it is to type that - How difficult it is to live that.
  My time this morning also included a reading from Matthew 6:25-34. Jesus tells us to not worry about the day to day necessities, but to instead have faith in God. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." We are called to lay down our worrying and to trust in God. That is some serious trust. To not concern yourself with the food and drink you need to live, but to simply have faith in His provision.
  I find strength and reassurance in learning to trust the Lord. That feels right and true. Yet I wonder, where else should I put my trust? I am a very open, genuine person with those around me. I am eager to trust people until they prove otherwise. Is this wise? I have to believe that God would want us to seek out each other, as sisters and brothers in Christ, for support and trust. So, perhaps we are not to simply trust another person in our life at face value. Rather, I believe we are to look deeper and find the love of God within them and learn to trust that. This takes time and deep understanding. The rewards far outweigh the costs - so it is worth it.

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. -Ernest Hemingway

  I suspect that learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks. I will go in prayer to the Lord and learn first to trust in His way. Then I will seek Him out in the people around me.
  I crave the reward and will do the work.

Many Cups Later...

Time moves on. Life blurred past. Now, called to return.
  I have had many a day with tea and reflection. In fact, I would be hard pressed to find a single day of my life that I was not pondering. Pondering my purpose. Pondering God's will. Pondering my next step. Pondering...
  I believe that this constant need to reflect on life and examine myself will always be present. It is essential and seems to be rather healthy. I find that I am not always near a place to record these mental wanderings. Initially there is great sorrow and uneasiness in this fact. How could I let so many thoughts and feelings, epiphanies and truths go unrecorded? Have all my days of internal journeying been lost to the relenting movement of time?
  It would be easy to think so. Easy to jump to that conclusion, settle into the grief of that massive loss, and lose hope for the whole thing. Yet, you know...I know better. I know that all along I have been reflecting and finding truth. I have also been recording everything within myself. I may not have written word to turn to, but I do have my heart and my spirit. Every truth and lesson has been gathered within myself - permanently. So, no sorrow for lost time. (Where have I heard THAT before?) All in its time and all for a reason. Let us pick up where we left off. Life is constantly changing and God is teaching us new things every day. The challenge of life is to be ready to learn and be open to the necessary growth.

  So, I will continue to put the kettle on. I will settle down and let my mind drift with the steam of my cup. There is truth and there is wisdom if we take time to pay attention. I will be taking that time.

  Want to come around and hear some pondering?